this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize