is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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