I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize