So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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