I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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