I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
