there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
