No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
