So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
