I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Randomize
