What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Randomize
