omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
What did we do last night that was yellow?
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
