I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I AM VODKA MAN
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
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