we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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