I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
