she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
