he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
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