All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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