it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
