people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
