i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
