Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
