he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
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