I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
