Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
