I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
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