I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
and she was petting her beer can
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
