is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
im six kinds of drunk right now
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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