Plan B is the new Plan A
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
