she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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