Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
