Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
