and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Randomize
