I wish my penis had an off switch
I just pynch a tree in the face
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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