your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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