ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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