it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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