there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Randomize