my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
