I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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