I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Randomize
