i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
