Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
