and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
