Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
