I think i peed on brittanys purse
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
