He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize