dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Operation Purity has been aborted
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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