cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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