he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
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