i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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