Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Randomize
