the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
