roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
