New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Randomize
