Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Randomize
