dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
