That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
