i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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