I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Randomize
