You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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