She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
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