Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
