My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize