shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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