Well apparently he's into motor boating.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Randomize
