How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
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